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about

with guest bass and guitar by Scrimmy the Dirthag

lyrics

Always clean your feet, Always bring extra lubricant
I know people think that a condom is all they need for that first time to be jubilant (but NO!)
Always pack some rope, gloves can come in handy too
You never know when that scene from 50 Shades of Gray becomes the best night ever for you!
Blindfolds can be fun, also don’t be afraid of food
Sometimes a messy night can become something out of sight, and put you in splendid mood
Don’t be afraid, of what other people say is taboo
You’re getting laid, This is the night your fantasies come true!
Just give it a try, take a breath and say it’s alright
You’re not gonna die, unless you do, and in that case I’m sorry I misled you
OOF!!
I’m sorry, I just want you to be ready
You gotta be prepared, you never know if tonight is gonna be the night of your life
You shouldn’t be scared, though this may be your first time with a future, partner, husband or
wife Embrace something new, the person may unlock something you never knew that you had
Just let it in you, keep saying to yourself it isn’t really that bad
Don’t be afraid, of what other people say is taboo
You’re getting laid, This is the night your fantasies come true!
Just give it a try, take a breath and say it’s alright
I’m not gonna lie, It could go great or it could be the worst night of your life
I’m here for you, if it all goes wrong, if the passion’s too strong, if a dong is too long For you, if
they choke too firm, if he gives you worms, you get covered in sperm
Or glue, and you can’t get out, the stress gives you gout and you shout My waffles’ Turned Blue,
you got an STD, now it burns when you pee, and you just wanted a night of ecstasy!
Dating sucks!
Always charge your phone, you never know if you’ll need a friend
To join in all the fun, you could invite everyone, or you could flee if the date needs to end Keep
an open mind, it’s the only path to find your bliss
Don’t deny it, until you try it, you might fall in love with a kiss or a fist

Don’t be afraid, of what other people say is taboo
You’re getting laid, This is the night your fantasies come true!
Just give it a try, take a breath and say it’s alright
It’s only one night, but it could totally change your sexual appetite!
Don’t be afraid, of what other people say is taboo
You’re getting laid, This is the night your fantasies come true!
Just give it a try, take a breath and say it’s alright
Be ready to fly, this could be the night you sore like a meteorite Try not to die!

credits

from Dick Jokes are for Kids!, released September 25, 2021

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MarianneToiletandTheRuns Boston, Massachusetts

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